Patric Simon |
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in the night
it's official... I need pills to live... to live any kind of stupid "normal life"... ug... ugh... why ... why me... I'm not strong enough... I'm NOT... i guess I'm not a man... I guess I'm not... what? ... human?... ugh... my blog... the world...t his is the last place to turn... for hope... for encouragement... i don't know what to do... I never do... never... I don't want the pills... but if I don't... if I don't everything that I care about will be lost... because of my disease.... my sickness... my FUCKKKKK!!!!!! 3 days maybe a week without it... and ... and this... this shit already.. again... and my mind says it isn't my fault and it also says I am the problem... I'm the problem.... me... get rid of me and everything will be better... for everyone ... ugh ugh ugh ugh uighujglihg;iogh;igsh; g;igh;g j fuck. I need a stronger word than that... something less ignorant.... I want to scream it at the top of my lungs.... FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a monster... I'm... what... like... I"m, I have like a cancer.. a type of AIDS... or something... you know?!?!?... i have to be constently medicated or... fuck fuck fuck... shit happens... dumb shit... stupid ignorant dumb just ... ughghgugugr;kurg;... it makes me so mad... so sad... and fuck... I don't want to ddo it i don't want to please someone kill me... I'm sorry God... I'm sorry everyone... I'm really really sorry.... I'm sorry you had to try so hard to get me to laugh... I'm sorry I always busy when you call... I'm sorry i don't know you better.... I'm sorry I can't understand you... I'm sorry we once were friends and now just acquantences... I'm sorry I hurt you everytime I'm around you... i i i i i i i i ..... I sitiiehtiehteitndnfkl ... fuck.... I am so sorry everyone... I'm sorry I can't ever finish your website... I'm sorry I don't get to hang out with you all the time I'm home... I'm sorry I've never followed through with any of my ideas... I'm sorry you things I'll amount to nothing... I'm sorry you can't accept me... I'm sorry I don't hunt or fish... I'm sorry I'm sorry...... I'm sorry that I am.
you all deserve better... and maybe you don't think so... and i want your comments from this... I do, mmaybe I'm just writting so you'll all say something nice about me... fine... that is me.. that is the bastard that is Peter SImon.. I just want attention... or to be loved... or what the fuck ever it is... and whether it is apparent or not that is me... I'm messed up... I'm FUCKING SORRY... tooitoiiogi;ailg l;ajhg;l p;w ;hg;l sh;lgn ;ng;lang;njl;j..... and I apologize... that is what I do.. apologize... deal with it .. if that offends you... I'm sorry.
two choices -
no emotions, no personality, (basically not really living)
or
real emotions, real personality, really living... but hurting everyone I know, or being stressful on all the people I know.. they have to deal with this.... with this shit... this that you are reading right now..................................................................................
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I choose sleep and make no fucking decision!!!!!!!
3 comments
1/04/2006 11:52:00 PM
3 Comments:
If this is the form of communication you want, then I'll use it, but it'll have to wait until I get back from class. Don't take this down.
posted by 
Jeff on Thu Jan 05, 08:55:00 AM
i'm sorry too peter.
i'm also sorry i didn't read this sooner.
posted by 
on Mon Jan 30, 11:39:00 PM
Now that was a great cathartic rant if I have ever read one. I hope you are doing better. Some of us love you no matter what your mood is at the time.
posted by on Fri Feb 17, 04:39:00 PM
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